Funny used Mirage classified ad

[MetroMPG]

Had to chuckle at this today. Somebody put some effort in their ad...



PIMPED OUT MITSUBISHI MIRAGE 2014

$7,500.00

Transmission: Manual
Kilometers: 52,000 (30k miles)

Description

This b i t c h i n' vehicle is AWESOME. It's pimped out with all the goodies, so you will never need to call Xzibit. Check them out below!

• Are you RICH ? Christmas is soon - buy it for your son or daughter !
• Are you NOT RICH ? Financing is available! ($66 bi-weekly payments).
• It rides as smooth as a Cadillac, but it only takes about 1/3 of the parking space !
• No previous accidents - I treated this car like the perfect child that I've never had. It has been well kept !
• I'm selling because I'm throwing my life away and moving to a foreign country where I know no one. (yay!)
• Insurance is cheap as hell because it has THREE cylinders only- which means paying gas for this thing is as expensive as buying a couple Starbucks coffees a week. (Do YOU have your priorities straight?) I pay 74$/month for insurance & 30$/ week for gas.

AWESOME GOODIES THAT WILL IMPRESS YOUR FIRST DATE:

1. Seat warmers (Who doesn't like a warm buttocks?)
2. Cruise Control (For when you're too lazy to press the peddle.. Or when the music is good and you keep speeding up with the beat.)
3. Fog Lights (For the zombie apocalypse.)
4. Hands free/bluetooth for calling and to play music. (When you're lonely, you can talk to your car's computer.)
5. Aux cable port (To impress your friends.)
6. USB port (For when your stupid phone dies half way though the day.)
7. Power windows and doors (No cranking needed. Because you're sophisticated.)
8. 2 Remote keys (Amazing that I haven't lost one ! You're welcome !)
9. Paint protection (So dirt and mud don't stick to the car and you can go longer without washing it!)
And if THAT's not enough to convince you - I'll throw in FOUR winter tires that I bought brand new last year.

https://www.kijiji.ca/v-cars-trucks/...014/1316623031