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Thread: 2/11/2021: My dad passed away...

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    2/11/2021: My dad passed away...

    Guys,

    I don't submit this for pity. I submit it so I don't feel the need to discuss it little by little in other threads. And muddy up those threads.

    In 2018 mid, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He'd been a smoker since about 14 years old. In late 2018 his doctor told him he was a good candidate to have the cancer and a lobe of his lung removed ... but he doesn't operate on smokers. My dad stop smoking cold turkey that day.

    In early 2019 my dad had lung surgery. He came through it quite well. Through 2019 he also had radiation. He went through that well until the very last radiation treatment. It was as if they said, "well this is his last one, let's turn this sucker full blast." After that last treatment he just went down hill. That was about July 2019. In August 2019 my mom died. He continued downhill. In 2020 he started pulling muscles in his back as he tried to do things around the house. About mid 2020 he hurt his sciatic nerve real bad in his back. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He could hardly walk for a couple months. At which time my sister was able to move in with him and work her job from his house. Once he started walking again pretty decent he had the old man's stoop, and shuffled like an old man from that point on. He also had started wearing an oxygen tube around about mid 2020 because his breathing from the last radiation treatment had just been going down hill.

    He told us, if I get the covid, I'm a gonner. Any physical activity, just walking to the bathroom and he could barely do it, he'd loose his breath like he just ran a 100 yard sprint. I was going to his house about every other weekend from the time my mom died. Crushing miles on my LS 460L, which is what lead me to buy the Mirage.

    The doctors found another spot on his other lung recently. And he was not happy knowing what that likely entailed (radiation). He went for a biopsy on 2/3. And before they would do the procedure they gave him a covid test, which came back positive (he hadn't been feeling too good). Turns out my sister had it too. Not sure if she gave it to him, but that is the most likely case. When I would go to visit, I would just basically stay back away from him as best I could. After they found he was covid positive, they sent him home to quarantine stating they would do the biopsy after he recovered. He had a pulsox at home. They told him if his O2 dropped below 90 he should go to the hospital.

    He felt a bit better over the weekend until Sunday night. Monday morning his O2 fell below 90 and my sister took him to the hospital. She could only drop him off, they wouldn't let her in.

    I texted with him as much as I thought he could stand it. He said at first he was feeling better, but I think it is because they got him better hydrated. But his texts just got less and made less sense too. He told me Tuesday night he didn't want to talk because it was too hard to catch his breath. He didn't respond to my Wednesday night text. Thursday morning my sister called me and told me they didn't think he would survive and that they would make an exception and let her and I in 1 at a time. I left PTC and went to Chattanooga. At 9:15 am I had on all the stuff they wanted me to put on. The doctor and nurses were really great. The doctor told me there wasn't anything they could do. But they had him on a lot of morphine 100% oxygen running as hard as it could go. And that he wasn't conscious, probably wouldn't know I was there.

    At 9:15 am I went into his room. He was breathing so hard, I knew he wasn't going to recover. I took his hand told him I was there. No response. I moved a chair so that I could sit at the foot of his bed facing him. And I said in a loud voice, "Daddy, I'm here now. But don't worry about me, I'm wearing all the protective stuff the hospital requires, so I'm safe. I'm sitting here in a comfy chair and will hang out with you all day if they'll let me. So just relax." AND HE NODDED HIS HEAD. So I said in a loud voice again, "I saw you nod your head, just so I can know that was intentional, nod your head again if you can." AND HE NODDED AGAIN.

    So I just said, "well I saw that too, and I'm glad to know you know I'm here, so just go ahead and relax." And relax he did. He just kind of stopped breathing so hard so I just figured he was falling asleep. That's what the look on his face looked like. He was relaxing and taking a nap. Just like I had mentioned he could do.

    Then the nurses came in and said, "he must have been waiting for you, he's gone." And I was shocked, I thought he just fell asleep. I'm not mad that he passed. But I've been mad at myself for not recognizing what was really going on, and standing up there beside him with my hand on his shoulder, telling him goodbye and that I love him. Damn I was pissed about that, and still am. Sometimes I just really suck and recognizing what is really going on.

    But yes, it really did seem like he was just working hard, hanging on, waiting on me. And that he was relieved to know I was there. And was able to relax and gently pass on. It was just like he said, if he caught covid, he was a gonner. It was 9:30 am. I wasn't with him but about 15 minutes and he was gone.

    Due to covid complications, the funeral is delayed until this weekend (2/19-20).

    My dad died of covid. If anyone had complications to make covid more lethal, my dad did. If you ask me if I have changed my opinion of it, well no I haven't. I believe it is / was God's plan. I'm not going to 2nd guess God.

    I'm am his executor, so now I have to deal with his estate. As a side note, I now have, in effect 11 cars. Gonna give my sister one, so really I have (only) 10. I don't want that many cars, it's just circumstances.

    Anywho - Sorry about the book. But now I won't have to address this elsewhere and muddy up some other thread. And thanks for listening / reading.


    7milesout


        __________________________________________

        click to view fuel log View my fuel log 2020 Mirage ES 1.2 manual: 42.4 mpg (US) ... 18.0 km/L ... 5.6 L/100 km ... 50.9 mpg (Imp)


  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to 7milesout For This Useful Post:

    MirageRally (02-16-2021),mitsumi (03-15-2021)

  3. #2
    Moderator inuvik's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your dad and glad you shared your story with us. It reminds us that our time here is fleeting, there are no guarantees. Thank you.

        __________________________________________

        click to view fuel log View my fuel log 2015 Mirage ES 1.2 automatic: 40.5 mpg (US) ... 17.2 km/L ... 5.8 L/100 km ... 48.6 mpg (Imp)


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    Sorry for your loss

    I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to my dad but somewhere out there, I'm sure he heard it just like how your dad heard your voice.

    10 cars, whoa. What kind of cars was he into?

        __________________________________________

        click to view fuel log View my fuel log 2015 Mirage DE 1.2 manual: 43.4 mpg (US) ... 18.5 km/L ... 5.4 L/100 km ... 52.2 mpg (Imp)


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    It's not him. I'm the car fool. Not expensive cars ... cheap cars.

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        click to view fuel log View my fuel log 2020 Mirage ES 1.2 manual: 42.4 mpg (US) ... 18.0 km/L ... 5.6 L/100 km ... 50.9 mpg (Imp)


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    I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom & now your Dad. In times like these, I don't think words matter. I'm sure your dad knowing you were there was all he really needed. If he could, I am sure he would have told you how much he loved you, too! I don't think anything shows that more than his clinging onto life until you got there.

    Your sister & you will be in my thoughts & prayers! Thank you for sharing a part of your life that's not easy to share. It's a reminder that life is so precious! Continue to share as needed. God bless!

    Mark

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    Moderator Eggman's Avatar
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    Sorry about your loss. May he rest in peace.

    Here’s to parents and the families they raise.

        __________________________________________

        click to view fuel log View my fuel log 2015 Mirage ES 1.2 manual: 49.6 mpg (US) ... 21.1 km/L ... 4.7 L/100 km ... 59.5 mpg (Imp)


  8. #7
    Nickname: "Rally" MirageRally's Avatar
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    Very Sorry about your loss, my friend also passed away from covid. You and you're family will be in my prayers. May he rest in peace. l'm here for you my friend...even if it's just to talk.
    Interests: Rallying/Drifting/Cars/Motorcycles

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    Senior Member Dirk Diggler's Avatar
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    Condolences about your father 7miles, I bet you got some great stories about him. I work with the elderly as a part time nurse aide so I can completely understand how hard this is to lose a parent. You were there at the end and that means a lot!

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    Senior Member AtomicPunk's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your Dad. I worked as a hospice RN for 10 years and saw that same scenario many times, a patient waiting for a loved one. Glad you were able to be there.

  11. #10
    Senior Member precisionxt's Avatar
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    I am so sorry to hear about your father, but glad you got to be with him in the end. I lost my mom in 2014 due to lung cancer and didn’t get to be there for her (I live about 1100 miles away). I hope that you you and your family are ok.


        __________________________________________

        click to view fuel log View my fuel log 2015 Mirage ES 1.2 manual: 41.5 mpg (US) ... 17.7 km/L ... 5.7 L/100 km ... 49.9 mpg (Imp)


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